new project? continue on.. we (I) must. December 2nd. journal challenge.

(yesyes. a day late..)


No 2. What I fear the most.


the very thought of having to choose only one thing I fear? puts me into just as much paralysis as anything I fear absolutely, terribly.

boil it down to just one thing???

after horrifying thought after another races across my mind & back again in competition over the other,

all of a sudden fear has become something altogether a little more imaginary.


many scary things have lost their power over the years because i've experienced them & come to terms with them (daddy-long leg attacks: still very much avoid & respect their territory)


however, I have imagined myself in potential fearful scenarios for my whole life (being kidnapped or being chased by someone of a dangerous/unsavoury sort: still have dreams about these & for some reason my legs no longer serve me..scaryscary)


so what can i handle? & what do i fear i cannot do in the face of it?

what scary things have i not even thought about yet?!?!!

that will have to be my answer. for today.

-what do I fear the most?

fear of the the very real unknown.

which i fear most..will be & is all in my head.


now i can't leave this & go to bed thinking about all the potential (imaginary) things that are yet to maybe come out to hurt me..


I've got to turn it around don't I.. I've got to use some tools!

a quick few that come to mind:

- ask myself, is this fear or thought logical? is this happening to me right now?

- think about things that bring me peace & calm (a pen to paper gratitude list has been suggested innumerable times...)

- l have a number of friends that know how to find the most hellarious YouTube videos to get themselves out of all kinds funks, fears & feelings...I'm not that clever so i rely on my support system to pull me out of imaginary hell stat.. (ie call someone, don't just sit paralyzed in whatever internal world of paranoia you've created)


& with that I will leave you with my own visual serenity tool of the month:


everytime my sister calls me, I'm immediately brought to a place outside of my racing, chaotic, "i'm not getting enough done on my "List" or "i don't have enough time to do anything right" or "I'M LATE!" mind & world i've created & think, "i've got to breath. at this very moment I can reset my mindset."

I hope my sister calls me more now:)


this December journal challenge comes from: www.bohoberry.com/bbc-december-2019/

www.facebook.com/BohoBerry/ #bohoberrychallenge

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